


get over yourself

by haipollai



Category: Arsenal RPF, Football RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-08
Updated: 2015-08-08
Packaged: 2018-04-13 16:18:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,081
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4528722
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/haipollai/pseuds/haipollai
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He never had any plans in his head for who he was going to connect with. It seemed silly and like a waste of time, there was football and that was intensive enough. It would happen because a soul mate meant you were supposed to find them no matter what you did. So he plays football and ignores the way his mother sometimes sighs dramatically.</p>
            </blockquote>





	get over yourself

**Author's Note:**

  * For [lanyon](https://archiveofourown.org/users/lanyon/gifts).



He never had any plans in his head for who he was going to connect with. It seemed silly and like a waste of time, there was football and that was intensive enough. It would happen because a soul mate meant you were supposed to find them no matter what you did. So he plays football and ignores the way his mother sometimes sighs dramatically. 

It isn't even a big deal when he arrives in London. The club asked of course, it's part of a standard medical procedure. They seemed almost relieved he wasn't. Easier to adjust to a new life when you don’t have someone else’s emotions in your head.

Meeting the team happens in fits and starts. Some are there at the club when Olivier signs, most are still gone for the summer. 

It's not until the first practice of the preseason that he meets Aaron with his hair flopping into his eyes and his skin warmed from the summer sun. As he gets closer there's a weird crawling sensation under Olivier's skin that he's heard about from movies and friends. Except it can't be, Olivier isn't looking for his soul mate, he's just meeting a teammate. The feeling doesn't go away though. 

Aaron's eyes get almost comically wide and he crosses his arms firmly over his chest. "Olivier, right? Welcome to the club," He says quickly. "I'm sorry I..." He gives his shoulders a shaky jerk and Olivier nods. He's still working on his English, everyone talks fast but he doesn't need to understand each word to get what Aaron is trying to say. He's just as unprepared as Olivier. 

"Later," Olivier says. 

Aaron's smile is relieved and Olivier feels like he should be offended but underneath whatever instincts are telling him to touch, he feels the same. He wasn't looking for this and never thought it would be a teammate. If nothing else, they both seem to agree on this.

Later becomes a day and a week and then they're flying to Malaysia and no one seems to notice they haven't touched once. They seem to circle each other, never quite connecting, Olivier feels more comfortable with the French speakers and Aaron has the guys he grew up with. They continue on as if the simple act of meeting each others eyes wasn’t tense with a need to touch.

It's easier off the field to be apart, Olivier isn't sure what he would do if they were too close for too long. No one warned him about the strange ache that follows when you know you've met your person but haven't connected. Maybe because no one else has been stupid enough to avoid it. 

He feels strangely attuned to Aaron at all times, he knows sometimes if he looks a certain way he'll see him. He can feel Aaron watching him sometimes, he'll look up and Aaron will be across the room, biting at his lower lip. He's tried to keep from getting too close to him so they can focus but it doesn't help that Aaron is really pretty. Olivier wants but it's the one person he can't have right now. 

None of it matters until the day he gets taken out in a rough tackle during practice. It's not bad but the initial pain makes it hard to breathe at first. He can't get up from the sudden intense panic. It's a strange sensation, like he's not in his own body really but just an inch to the left watching someone else borrow his skin. He forces the feeling back and makes his breathing even out as best he can. The feeling continues though and he realizes it's not his breathing. Aaron is off to the side, eyes wide and staring at and through him. 

Olivier knows with gut wrenching certainty this is Aaron and his panic. Except they haven't touched, Olivier shouldn't be feeling a thing. After a moment it disappears as suddenly as it hit him. Aaron is turning and joking about something with Gibbs as if it never happened, except his shoulders are still tense. 

Worse, Arsene realizes it a second later or maybe he saw it already. He doesn't say anything but Olivier catches his eye and it's all there. 

Olivier brushes aside the trainers, they can hover around later. He needs to show it doesn't matter, things are fine. The memory of Aaron's emotions linger for the rest of the day, there's no other breakthroughs though. They certainly don't stop to talk. 

They both have something to prove here with Arsenal. Olivier suspects soulmates are the last thing Aaron has been looking for as well. 

Mikel falls into step with him as practice wraps up.

"I'm fine," He says to preempt any well meaning questions.

Mikel stops walking, grabbing at his arm to stop him as the last few other players filter past to the locker room. "If you’re having trouble fitting in, I know being in a new country can be hard.”

"I’m fine," he repeats. It's practically the truth and this far removed from earlier, it feels like he almost imagined the panic, like he isn’t somehow losing control. “Maybe adjusting is hard but I’m fine.”

Mikel's eyes narrow but he lets go and Olivier resolutely does not flee. He tells himself he's grateful Aaron has clearly already gone and they don't need to deal with it. They haven't touched, they haven't done anything so it was nothing but a fluke. 

Maybe he did imagine it. 

By the time the season starts Olivier is both anxious and ready for it to happen. There's been more bleed over, and it's getting harder to ignore but somehow the longer they ignore it, the harder it becomes to do anything. He can live with this for football. Not that he doesn't like Aaron but Olivier is here to play and everyone knows how fickle the Premier League can be, why be tied to anyone if it's not going to work out. He knows the club would probably do anything to keep Ramsey there and Olivier isn't going to be kept around just because of this if he doesn’t fit.

Except August starts out slow and it bleeds into September. The shine of the preseason has worn off and now he knows that dip on Aaron's shoulders says he's just as frustrated starting on the bench game after game as things don't click. 

Olivier knows it's more obvious than he wants when Wenger pulls him aside after practice.

"You haven't touched." It's not a question and Olivier can't do anything but nod. He knows and denying it seems pointless. "Why not?" 

"I'm here to play." 

It's been his reasoning the entire time but Wenger sighs as if talking to an idiot child. "What does one have to do with the other?" 

"I wouldn't want to be stuck if it didn't work out." The words come out smoothly in French, sounding well practised and even reasonable. 

"You won't play at all if you can't properly control a bond. And you will keep him sidelined as well. Bonds form by proximity. Figure it out." He doesn't wait for a counterargument, probably because Olivier doesn't have one.

Aaron hadn't said a word about it to him and suddenly he doesn't know whose idea it was to not touch, to keep not touching. Aaron wasn’t supposed to be a casualty in this. He's seen glimpses of what Aaron can do, has felt it like pins and needles in his feet sometimes during scrimmages. Sparks of intention. Just like the flair of panic, things were bleeding through, they just tried to deny it.

He doesn't know where Aaron lives though, in the few months they've even known each other they haven't gotten that close. But Laurent picks up by the third ring and after some wheedling gives him an address. 

Aaron opens the door before he can knock. For a long time they stand there, facing off across the threshold. The only way for Olivier to get inside would be to push him out of the way, to touch him. Olivier has never hesitated touching anyone before, but he’s never had to worry about soulmates before.

“Well then,” Aaron finally breathes and steps aside. “We’re doing this?”

“We have to.”

Aaron makes a face but holds out a hand. “If you want to just do it here. I’ve heard- you might be stuck? For awhile?”

“You could come home with me.” He can’t help the smirk, just enough to add the hint of innuendo.

Aaron laughs softly. “But I’m home here.”

“I can try to wear your shirts then. Maybe stretch them a little.”

“Don’t you dare!” He shoves at Olivier’s chest lightly and that isn’t enough, not through his shirt but Olivier reaches out without thinking, like he would with anyone else, and wraps his hand around Aaron’s wrist. Everything freezes and Olivier isn’t even sure he is breathing. It happens immediately, the itching under his skin he hadn’t even noticed was still there from their first meeting, finally fades but only replaced immediately by a sense of falling outside of himself. He’s Aaron and Olivier and both at once. After a moment the initial rush of Aaron fades to a steady sensation in the back of his mind but the line is fuzzy between where he ends and Aaron begins.

“We should have- I want- uh I don’t-” Aaron fumbles through the words, having as much trouble as Olivier in sorting things out.

Olivier has no idea what he’s trying to say, and trying to figure out English seems like a pointless endeavor while he’s too busy trying to figure out what he’s even thinking so he leans down to kiss him. Aaron is smaller than he realized, they’ve never stood too close and Aaron makes himself seem big on the field.

Aaron sighs into the kiss, his hand tightening in Olivier’s shirt to pull him closer. The fabric is pushed away and Aaron’s hand presses against his skin. The feeling of being overwhelmed and floating comes up again, slower than after the first touch. There’s no feeling of kissing himself, but he feels Aaron settling into an uneasy calm.

When the kiss ends, he rests his forehead on Aaron’s, not ready to stop touching. Not sure if he can let go at all. Which brings him around to earlier, to the frustration from Aaron and the fear of being stuck 

“We have to figure out how to play with this.”

"We will." The first part of that is separation, everyone knows that. He takes a deep breath and makes himself straighten up. It's like there's a rope around his throat and pulling away from Aaron is tightening it. Aaron grabs his hand hard and the feeling eases. 

"Guess you are stuck here for awhile."

They go back to Olivier's briefly so he can get some clothes but Aaron has the better furnished apartment so they go back. They test their limits that night, it gets easier to let go but it's slow and painful to even sit on opposite ends of the couch.

Eventually Aaron grabs him and hauls him close, burying his head against Olivier's neck. He murmurs apologies into Aaron's hair, sorry this hurts, sorry he couldn't resist touching. Except it feels good to just sit there with Aaron pressed close, a constant warm presence in his head so there’s no real feeling behind it. 

"You know, you’re speaking French, right?" Aaron says, finally sitting back enough to look at him, they’ve ended up lying down, Aaron on top of him. "And I still don't speak French?" 

"You will have to learn than."

He shifts so he’s sitting up, straddling Olivier’s hips. "I feel like you're a pretty crap teacher."

He grins up at him, loving how immediate Aaron's smile is. "French is the language of love which I know very well so I am best teacher."

Aaron dissolves into giggles and somewhere between the warmth in his head and Aaron laughing hard enough he can barely breathe, Olivier finds himself laughing as well. There’s still no clear line between them in his head but it feels less ominous when together on Aaron’s couch.

There's staff on hand to help with handling bonds. Olivier and Aaron have to get there early each day to go through a full set of exercises, mostly mental but just as exhausting. Sheer force of will gets them through the first few practices, when being too far apart feels like slowly tearing a limb off. 

Arsene berates them only once, sighing they should have done this during the preseason. 

The first game afterwards is again frustrating, made worse because Aaron's frustration feeds into his. He feels like he can barely focus.

When the game is over and he's done nothing for the team, he only just keeps from storming off. Aaron has gone quiet in the back of his mind but he barely notices, trying to deal at his own anger at himself, at not doing well, at letting himself get distracted. They go back to Aaron's like they have every other day. For the first time, he wishes that they didn't have this bond just so he could go out and find a stranger and fuck until he stops feeling. Aaron doesn't deserve that anger from him. 

"I'm sorry," Aaron says when they're inside.

It makes Olivier stop up short, jerking him from his own tangle of thoughts. "What?" 

"That you're stuck dealing with this your first season here." He smiles tightly and Olivier realizes how little he’s feeling from him. His walls have been better than Olivier’s from the start but now he’s found a way to just shut down. 

They've touched plenty since that first night but nothing with the same intensity. He has Aaron in his head and they’ve been working with the trainer but maybe that isn’t enough. For the first time he regrets not really spending the time to think about finding his soulmate, he feels unsure and overwhelmed and like every step they’ve taken has been the wrong one.

Olivier reaches for him and pulls him tight against him. "No, no. Don't be sorry. Fuck, Aaron." The anger’s gone and he's just tired. "We'll be better."

"If you're angry at me, you better fucking say so," Aaron mumbles into his chest, clutching at Olivier's shirt. "I know there was feedback."

"No, no, angry at myself."

Aaron sighs softly and his walls go down as the tension leaves him. "Don't do that either."

That night he wakes with a start, wrapped around Aaron and recognizes the strange panic from the preseason training. It's already fading and he's back in his skin but it's as if the sudden fear is so all encompassing there's no room for Olivier in it. 

He gently pushes back, trying to feed safety through to Aaron and instead just wakes him up. He can hear how Aaron’s breath catches as he wakes up.

They don't say anything in the dark but Olivier holds him as close as possible. Everyone knows that soulmates are supposed to mean everything, whether they're a friend or a lover, but Olivier is taken aback by how much and how quickly Aaron has become important. He hates these surges of panic, knows he can’t do anything to make them go away. 

"Are we together?" Aaron asks. "Or just getting dragged along?" 

"Both maybe."

"Shitty answer."

“Middle of the night. Figure out playing then figure out this." He kisses the curve of Aaron's shoulder. 

He scores in the next game and could cry in relief. Aaron is right there, and Olivier takes a second to hug him tightly. He doesn't think anything of it and no one else seems to either, already used to his comfort with touching. So he's not prepared for Jack to corner him in the locker room while he's waiting for Aaron. 

"I don't know what you're after but if you hurt Aaron, you'll get it ten times worse."

Olivier doesn't mean to gape but he's too caught off guard. They haven't made an announcement but Olivier knows some of the team have figured it out. There's a brush of curiosity from Aaron, the closest he can get to asking what's going on. He wishes they could send more than emotions, he doesn't know how to express what he's feeling. "I can't hurt him," He finally says because Jack is waiting for something. 

Aaron thankfully shows up at that moment, he takes a second to take in the scene and valiantly bites his lips to not laugh. Olivier isn't above pouting at him. Jack spins quickly. "What are you doing to Oli, Jack?" 

"Making him get you have friends here."

"Thanks. But he's really ok, promise." Aaron crosses over to them and Olivier can't resist hooking an ankle around his, needing to touch after being apart for awhile. Aaron's hand finds its way to the back of his neck, squeezing gently.

"More than okay," He mumbles. 

"Jack, me and him, we're soulmates."

"Yea, I guessed. I still mean it Giroud.” He glares at Olivier for good measure before leaving and Aaron sits down next to him, seems to sink into the bench.

“So.”

Olivier carefully doesn’t poke at Aaron mentally, instead nudges him with a knee. They’ve been trying to be better about staying out of their heads, keep the dividing lines solid. Aaron is better at it than Olivier’s been. “Team was going to know.”

Aaron makes a face at him. “There’s nothing for them to find out yet.”

“We can change that.” He thinks of their conversation in the dark and realizes they've made their choice.

The smirk he gets from Aaron should be out of place with how baby faced he is but it just makes it dirtier. Olivier’s not sure they’ve ever gotten home so fast.

Aaron is what he expected and more in bed. He grins against Olivier’s skin as he sucks bruises into his neck. Olivier wants to lie back and let him wreck him but at the same time he wants to grip Aaron tight enough, it’s clear he’s taken and fuck him slow and deep.

He ends up on his back with Aaron straddling him, they start slow but it’s too difficult to keep it that way. Everything is too intense, Olivier can barely focus on anything with Aaron tight around him, twisting and moving like he’s dancing, while at the same time he can feel Aaron’s want. Olivier is pretty sure he blacks out from sensory overload for a moment when he comes.

Aaron is sprawled on top of him, both of them sticky with sweat and come but neither attempt to move.

“We have to get better,” Aaron mumbles. “So the sex lasts longer.”

It startles a laugh out of him and he gets himself to move so he can twist them around and pin Aaron underneath him. Olivier doesn't realize he's staring until Aaron nudges him. "You are special." He murmurs, leaning into kiss him. 

"Better be, you're destined for me." He smiles up at him. His fingers stray to Olivier's neck, touching the bruise he left there. "All mine."

Olivier kisses him again. "Yours." He knows right then he's going to end up hopelessly in love with him. 

There's a short training the next day, it feels a little easier to let go. The ache to touch isn't as bad when Aaron is across the field. There's some teasing over the hickey and Olivier catches the edge of Aaron's smug satisfaction through the bond. 

"Be careful," Theo whispers dramatically. "We think Aaron might be a secret vampire."

"Its true," Laurent chimes in, a big wide smile like he has the best secret. Aaron is jogging over to figure out what's going on and Laurent throws an easy arm over his shoulder. "Remember Bendtner?"

"What the fuck guys? Can't I make one bad choice?" He tries to elbow Laurent off of him but his attempt is easily dodged.

Gibbs leans into Olivier. "Nicky came to practice with hickies all the time."

"Once!"

"And there was..." Theo hooks his hands like claws and makes a scratching motion.

"Oh that's right. That time too." Gibbs nods knowingly. "So if he avoids garlic-"

"And mirrors."

"I think it's ok," Olivier finally says. Aaron shoots him a look of wide eyed relief and he has to swallow back the desire to take the few steps over and kiss him. "I have the cross on my arm and he doesn't mind."

Aaron groans because now they're trying to decide if that counts as real enough to really ward off a vampire. Aaron gets away from Laurent and presses against his side.

"Bendtner?" He asks. 

“Shut up.” It’s easy to wrap his arms around Aaron’s shoulders and pull him back against him. It all feels possible right then, like it’s under control, they can take whatever is coming next.

The first real test is November, when they're called up to their national teams. They could spend time apart but that was on either side of the same city for a few hours. The trainer couldn't do much except recommend talking frequently, but they all knew this was coming. 

As soon as Olivier lands in France there's a text from Aaron, win this and make it fucking worth it. 

He at least rooms with Mathieu. When they first met, he wondered if Mathieu would be it for him, they clicked so easily, he’s the calm that Olivier needs. It wasn’t unheard of for soulmates to not be realized immediately. Even though it’s not Mathieu and obviously now won’t be, he doesn’t think twice about sitting beside him in bed and leaning against him. Mathieu wraps an arm around his shoulders, letting Olivier pillow his head on his chest.

He’s busy with his iPad when Olivier skypes Aaron. It’s too far to get more than a faint buzz from Aaron, so it’s a relief to see his face. Aaron beams at him. For a second he can’t breathe with how much he wants to be there, he’s here with the national team with a real solid chance but for that second seeing Aaron he’d give it up.

Aaron’s smile falters. “You okay?”

Which gets Mathieu looking up and over, Olivier gives a quick shake of his head which is enough for Mathieu. “I’m fine, miss you.”

It’s the right thing to say to bring Aaron’s smile back. “I miss you too, but we can do this, yea?”

“Of course, have to make sure you have someone to root for at the World Cup.”

“Maybe I was planning to root for Mesut or Per,” Aaron teases. They’re still stretched too thin, he can’t feel Aaron beyond knowing he’s there but he remembers the sensation of warmth that comes when he’s happy and comfortable so Olivier holds onto that. 

It gets him through each day, through to day three when his body decides to physically rebel against the stretched thin feeling. He stumbles to the bathroom to throw up after practice, grateful it at least didn't hit when he was around the team or the coaches. There's only Mat to witness him bent over the toilet. 

"Do you want me to call him for you?" He offers softly when Olivier sits back. It's tempting and he wants to, but doesn't want Aaron to worry. 

"Should be able to handle this," He says, which isn't an answer at all. 

Mat disappears but comes back with Olivier's cell phone and before he can protest is pulling up Aaron's number, dialing on speaker. "Oli?" His voice comes through after a few rings. 

"Almost, it's Mathieu. He is being an idiot, but I wanted-"

"Hey," He protests, trying to reach for his phone. Mathieu slips away out of reach. 

"To make sure you are ok." Olivier groans and sinks to the floor, Aaron will realize that must mean Olivier is not doing okay. "You are not good at soulmates," Mathieu nudges at him with a toe. 

"Not great but ok, is Olivier ok?" Olivier can tell just from his voice that he's trying to be calm but there's an edge of panic. 

"Debuch," He whines. 

"Does Aaron know you’re a big brat?" Mathieu says in English. Another time he would be pleased at Mat feeling comfortable with using so much English, another time when it wasn't all at his expense. "He will be fine, when he learns to ask for help."

Aaron laughs though it comes out a bit shaky. "I've noticed he's a stubborn idiot."

"Not fair,” Olivier protests. He’s feeling ill and everyone is teasing him.

Mathieu kisses his forehead and passes him the phone, "feel better," he murmurs before leaving, pressing the phone into his hand. 

France loses their first game but wins their second and in that moment it doesn't even matter if he gets selected for the final World Cup squad because he's helped them get there. He's gotten used to being apart from Aaron, it's not comfortable or easy but during the game it doesn't matter. It's a relief, everything won't be normal but he won't have to give the game up. 

He's back before Aaron, doesn't even think of going to his own flat. The stuff he cares for the most is now all here, they figured out splitting rent in the first month. It's theirs. He can feel it as Aaron gets closer, he's warmth and satisfaction blurred together. Olivier ends up stretched out on the bed, not intending to fall asleep but he jerks awake when the bed shifts. He realizes he’s shifted over in his sleep to bury himself in Aaron’s pillow.

“Bonjour,” he mumbles.

“Hi.” Aaron stretches out on his side so they’re facing each other, Aaron freeing enough pillow from him they can share. Close enough Olivier can feel his body heat but they're not quite touching. His cheeks are flushed and the usual barriers they’ve built up are down, everything from Aaron feels muted and if a feeling could be slurred. He’s not drunk, but a content buzz. They haven’t had that many chances to drink together, but the feelings from Aaron feel like a blanket he could be wrapped up in. “Congrats, you did it.”

“Had to give you someone to root for.” He cups Aaron’s cheek, brushing his thumb over the curve of his nose and down to his lips. It hasn’t been that long but he feels like he needs to rebalance. There’s been no one in his head again for almost two weeks and he’d grown used to it. Now he feels almost overwhelmed, like it’s back to that first touch and he’s trying to orient himself. Aaron is careful though, keeping his walls up while Olivier adjusts. “Happy it’s you. Mon cœur.”

“Someone else could have traveled with you.”

“Maybe, don’t care.”

Aaron tucks in against him, burying his head under Olivier’s chin and tangling their legs. Pressed so close after over a week apart is overwhelming, for a moment he can’t focus on his own thoughts, everything is a jumble of him and Aaron. Finally training kicks in and he is just Olivier again. Aaron hums in approval, picking up on Olivier’s barriers going back up.

They fall asleep like that, tucked together.

-

It’s an intense discussion that lasts for about two months to decide if Aaron should travel to Brazil or perhaps somewhere in America during the World Cup. Everyone has opinions on it. Some teams allow soulmates around, others want lots of distance.

Aaron doesn’t go in the end. Olivier isn’t surprised or hurt, it’s strange but it’s not like the first time anymore. Mathieu doesn’t find him throwing up in the hotel toilet this time. Afterwards he goes back to France, he goes to his house and drops into bed. It feels unreal, getting kicked out in the quarters. He wants to sleep.

They came so far and in the end it led nowhere. He’s barely aware of the empty space in his head anymore where Aaron should be but has been too far away. 

There are texts from Aaron when he wakes up, checking in on him. It’s the first they’ve talked since the Cup began. He’s not sure he can write in English so just calls Aaron back. He grabs it after a ring, waiting by his phone.

“I couldn’t do it,” he mumbles.

There’s nothing for a long minute. “I know. Sometimes... " He can hear Aaron sigh and suddenly agonizingly misses him. "Sometimes it's not enough."

"No words on Germany being so fucking good?" 

"Anyone can lose any day." There's a long pause. Olivier let's out a breath he didn't know he was holding, he feels ok with just lying there knowing Aaron is on the other end of the line. "Do you want me there?" 

"Yes." He grimaces into a pillow, feeling the guilt tighten in his stomach over leaving Aaron without anything. Aaron didn't have training or football to distract him from Olivier being gone. And now asking him to leave friends and family he was spending the holiday with to look after someone he didn't have any choice in being paired with. "Are you-" 

"Oli, it's ok to be pathetic and sad for awhile."

"I'm not pathetic."

"I know you. I'll be there soon." When he hangs up, Olivier feels a little better. Olivier drags himself up and through the next day until Aaron is at his door. They should have spent the entire off season here or maybe between here and Wales, instead of this being the first time Aaron's been to his home in France. 

"Nice beard."

"Shut up and kiss me." Aaron grins and is reaching for him before he even finishes the demand. 

-

Aaron knows it's stupid, he knows that part of the connection is being able to feel any of Olivier's emotions. Including lust or attraction, not that he can tell what's creating the interest. Except this is Olivier and it's stupid to even be worried. He's noticed Olivier looking at other people over the past year, he's not subtle, there's never any follow through. Aaron trusts him, and knows he will always be his.

Mathieu is different. All of his rationality is thrown out the window because Olivier has known Mathieu longer than he's known Aaron, has been close to him, has grabbed and kissed him as if it's the most natural thing. Olivier loves him. 

It doesn't help Aaron sort of knows Debuchy. Mathieu has no problem sticking his nose in Oliviers business when he thinks Oli needs it and it's made even worse by how right he usually is. He knows Olivier and is genuinely caring. He's a good person. 

And Olivier is so fucking happy Mathieu is signing with Arsenal.

Olivier was disappointed after the World Cup, and there wasn't much he could do to help. Aaron doesn't even know what it's like to make it that far. He had to push aside the feelings to focus on Olivier, to help him so they'd both be ready from the start for next season. It hurt, the game strangely dividing them but he would do it all over again for Olivier. Aaron isn't sure if it happened right away where Olivier came to be as important as football but once he was there with Olivier his own feelings just became less. It's terrifying, the intensity of his feelings for Olivier, for how out of his hands it feels but at the same time like this is exactly how it should be.

Everything else they've stumbled through but he doesn't know how to handle this jealousy. When Wales had been knocked out, Olivier had spent their next night together kissing and touching and letting Aaron fall apart over it. This jealousy feels like something Olivier shouldn't have to deal with. He keeps trying to convince himself it is stupid and pointless, Olivier isn't going to run away with Mathieu. If he was it would have happened at the World Cup, not when they're back in London and Olivier is there with him every night.

Olivier hasn't stopped kissing him or touching and Aaron isn't oblivious enough to think that smile is for anyone else. But sometimes when Olivier is out and nothing more than a faint hum in his head, Aaron wonders and hates himself for it.

It's how Olivier manages to catch him off guard, Olivier is tipsy from too much wine and almost falls on Aaron on the couch.

From the door Mathieu clears his throat, obviously Olivier passing out on his soul mate wasn't part of whatever plan they had. Olivier whines but pushes himself up. "Mat is still in a hotel."

"Yes, he can use the guest room." He doesn't hesitate in the offer, he's not a dick, and certainly won't be one to a teammate and Oliver's friend. Mathieu smiles in relief and Olivier ducks in for a kiss.

He rests his forehead on Aaron's, eyes dark and serious. "You're thinking too much."

"Oli-"

"Whatever it is, I can help, yes?"

"Olivier," he pronounces it with a hard r because he knows it makes Olivier frown in annoyance though he'd never correct someone. It's enough of a distraction for now. "Go get Mathieu settled in."

"Je t'aime. You know?"

"I love you too," he pushes on Oliver's shoulder to get him to stand and go and this time he does. Aaron gets up to go to bed himself, tucking in close when Olivier joins him. There's no sense that he's anywhere else mentally and Aaron feels so guilty with where his thoughts go. Olivier is wrapped around him, his fingers scratching lightly at the nape of his neck.

"You tell me, if something was wrong?"

"I will. Just- not yet, ok?"

Olivier kisses his forehead, and it's overwhelmingly tender. The nudge of emotions is nothing but concern and love. Aaron feels so stupid for being so worried. But the next morning, he's up first and heads into the kitchen to get coffee, knowing both other men will need it. Mathieu is there first, in a shirt Aaron recognizes as one of his own, an old one he never uses that Olivier must have grabbed without fully realizing, not looking for a replacement of any kind. 

"Good morning."

Aaron blinks and realizes he's been staring. "Sorry, morning. There's coffee."

Mathieu beelines towards it and stands there breathing it in for a long moment. "Can I ask a question?" Mathieu is less confident in his English than Olivier, pausing between each word to carefully feel out the next one. 

"Of course."

"I know we don't know each other well but...you seem off? Around me."

Aaron takes a seat at the kitchen table and looks down at his hands clenched around his coffee mug. "Its stupid," he finally sighs but there's something nice in finally saying it out loud. "You're very close to Olivier."

"Ah yes, everyone thinks so, French media, my own partner says so too." Aaron looks up startled, it had never been mentioned that Mathieu had anyone. "She's still in France, visiting family, then here to find a house." He comes over and pulls out the chair across from Aaron. "It's not stupid. It's your fear. We slept together when we were young, but never since he found you."

"I know, I trust him." He digs the heels of his palms against his eyes. Trying to deal with this has left him worn out when he needs to be focused on preparing for the season.

"But he's Olivier and attracts people like- like flies." He wiggled his fingers in the air. "Bzz bzz, oh Oli," he pitched his voice slightly higher and sighs as if he's swooning. 

Aaron laughs shakily and sinks into his seat. "Yea, just like that."

Mathieu is reaching across the table to pat Aaron's hand when Olivier shuffles in. He grumbles something in French that makes Mathieu laugh and hold his hands up in a defensive gesture. "All yours."

Olivier wraps his arms around Aaron from behind, pressing his nose against Aaron's neck, this time he definitely recognizes the French word for mine. "Promise you're ok?" He asks in English.

"Promise," Aaron leans back into him. "Go get coffee."

Olivier groans as if Aaron offered to suck his dick. "Saint."

Aaron isn't sure Olivier's really ok with the conversation being pushed aside again but Mathieu is right there. After getting his coffee, Olivier stops to press a kiss to Mathieu's cheek but sits next to Aaron. He can feel Olivier in his head, his walls are always crap right when he gets up. So he knows Olivier is feeling put out even as he teases Mathieu over ending the night too soon. 

He almost feels worried when Mathieu excuses himself to head home. It's an off day but they all have personal work to get done but Olivier is looking intently at him as soon as the door closed behind Mat. There's no more sidestepping and hoping Olivier doesn't notice. 

He draws Aaron into the bedroom, and down to their bed. They ended up replacing Aaron's fairly early on since it wasn't big enough for two men night after night. This one is theirs.

"I heard a little," Olivier says. "Aaron..."

"I know you," he interrupts quickly. "And I know you're not- that you just- you're -" He shrugs, not sure there's even a word for what Olivier is. Flirtatious maybe, but there's never any intent. He just touches. "I trust you." He hopes desperately that Olivier can feel how much he means it.

Oliver's face is hard to read though. "You've been upset over Mathieu?" He finally asks. "All this time?"

Aaron shrugs. "It's stupid."

"No! I didn't notice." He's pulling Aaron in and kissing him intently. Aaron melts into him, caught off guard by everything Olivier. They end up lying down without breaking the kiss, Olivier on top of him. "Thought World Cup or worried about season or injury-" 

"I'd tell you if I was hurt," he says, still feeling a bit overwhelmed from the kiss. Everytime he thinks he has become used to Olivier, he finds a new way to steamroll him. Aaron frowns, almost offended Olivier would think he would hide an injury.

"But not feelings?" He's pouting, sitting up slightly so Aaron can't miss it. "Not stupid, nothing you feel would ever be stupid to me." Aaron bites hard on his lower lip to keep from blubbering or something ridiculous. Gently, Olivier pulls his lip free. "Cheating, just want to kiss you when you do that."

"Not stopping you." He wraps his lips around the pad of his finger. 

"Only if you promise to tell me when something's wrong." He drags his wet thumb down over the line of Aaron's jaw. 

"Promise." He hooks an arm around Olivier's neck to pull him close. Olivier frowns as if unconvinced. "Hey, I didn't think I needed to say because I trust you. I knew you'd never." 

"Good. Now always tell me." He kisses the tip of Aaron's nose and then his lips and Aaron is already ready, running his fingers through Olivier's hair to keep him there. Olivier isn't good at keeping his walls up so Aaron tries to compensate but right now he let's them dip. He groans at the feeling of Olivier's want. 

"Think I can make you come without touching?" Olivier mumbles, dragging his lips down Aaron's neck. 

"Dunno, don't do it."

"But Aaron." He pulls back enough they can pull off any clothing. 

"No fuck you, touch me." 

Olivier laughs and is shifting back down, trailing sucking kisses down his neck and chest. "Demanding."

Aaron whines. Two years and he's still lost under the push of Olivier's emotions as if even unconsciously he knows how to push all of Aaron's buttons. He bites at Aaron's hip and suddenly stops there, his lips on Aaron's skin. "Oli?" He pushes up on his elbows.

"You have to tell me," Olivier murmurs, not meeting Aaron's eyes. "I don't know...I can't lose you."

"You can't. It's not like we're just dating." He runs his fingers through Olivier's hair. "I'm up here."

He frowns. "You are but you are better at walls."

"Olivier." He pulls gently until Olivier slides up and they're face to face. He lets down his walls completely and pushes out everything he feels, love and arousal and contentment. Olivier kisses him languid and slow. With all of the sensation he barely notices when Olivier starts to tease him open until there's a second finger pressing into him. 

He's panting into the kiss by the time a third is added, going agonizingly slow. He has his legs around Olivier but let's him control the pace. When he's finally replacing his fingers with his cock, he doesn't think he can even last much longer. The pace stays just as slow, dragging out each thrust and the slide of Olivier inside of him. 

He feels like he can't breath in a full breath, and he's reduced to desperate gasps. Olivier doesn't seem to be doing much better. He chokes out his name when he comes, not sure which of them crashes over the edge first but they're both coming. Olivier has one arm braced on the bed but the other is digging bruises into Aaron's hip.

"Fuck," his voice is ragged as if he had been running sprints. Olivier is a heavy weight on top of him, stick with sweat and Aaron's come between them. Later he's going to be sore, but right he feels buzzed from the intense release.

"This season," Olivier mumbles, "this season we'll be best."

Aaron laughs weakly and scratches lightly at Olivier's scalp. "Fuck yes."

He turns his head enough to press a kiss to Aaron's palm and it feels like a pact. It feels like they can do it.

-

When the pain from Olivier's foot cuts through, Aaron almost throws up. He's dealt with the panic and fears that came from getting back on the field after his leg healed but when it comes from Oli, when it catches him off guard and out of his control, the panic surges up. He forces it back now though, they have to stay focused. The game isn't over and Olivier is getting back up, he's moving gingerly but there's no stretcher to take him off. 

After the game though, Olivier drops back down and reaches for his boot. 

"Oli-" 

He looks up with a smile as the trainers are back to examine his foot but it's weak, his face is tight with pain.

Aaron drops down to crouch beside him. He knows Olivier is still blocking and for once doing it well. He hopes it's just habit from being on the field still but Aaron doubts it. "Oli you have to tell me."

Olivier jerks away with a curse when the trainers touch the wrong spot. They're already getting up and saying words like x rays and hospital. He grabs Aaron's hand, whether for support or to calm him down, Aaron isn't sure but he forces away his panic. Olivier is the one hurt, not him and he has to keep it together. 

He's sent off with Olivier to reduce any additional stress on him during treatment and for the follow up scans a few days later. So he's there when the doctors tell him it's a broken foot bone. It will be a few weeks at least and Olivier is crestfallen even with the painkillers dulling him. He makes sure he's there when Olivier comes out of surgery even if he's not awake. 

Nudging at him mentally when he's put under is different than when he's just asleep, there's spikes and emotions during sleep. Now it's as if there's no one on the other end of the connection at all. It keeps him from resting while he waits for Olivier to wake up and the doctors to check on him. 

He almost moans in relief when Olivier's eyes open and there's feeling again. "Go to training," Olivier mumbles at him. 

"Was ordered here. But if you’re all better, I guess I’ll go.” He starts to get up but Olivier frowns and reaches for him. Aaron takes his hand and holds it tightly. He has to leave eventually, he has to carry on with his life but it feels better once Olivier is home. They’ve been further apart, and it’s surprisingly easy to keep up his own routines. Almost too easy, but then they’ve been focused from the beginning on playing. They weren’t going to get in each other's way.

After a week he starts going with Aaron to home games, too stir crazy to stay home and watch on TV. Away games keep him at home though Aaron finds it sort of nice to come home though to Olivier, usually on the couch. Its not something he wants to become used to but knowing Olivier is there can make the trip home a little better.

Kieren nudges him when they're on the plane back from the match vs Anderlecht. There's a bitter taste in his mouth even though it ended as a draw. "Hey. World isn't over."

"Should be better."

Kieren rolls his eyes. "I thought your boyfriend was supposed to help you relax." Aaron shrugs. "You're worried, aren't you?" He sighs as if Aaron is somehow the most impossible person he's ever known. 

"Could feel it happening," he keeps his voice low, he doesn't want Mikel or Per to think they have to fret over him. 

Kieren pulls Aaron against him. "Come on mate, best you don't think about it for a while. What is with this hair style?"

Aaron smiles weakly not quite in the mood but willing to go with it. "You're jealous I'm better looking, it's ok."

"Not a chance in hell. But really I'm here for you if you want some decent style advice."

"These about as good as your FIFA skills?" 

Kieren laughs and tries to run his hand over Aaron's hair. He tries to duck away but just hits his shoulder into the window hard enough that Per looks over in concern. Kieren takes advantage of his distraction to ruffle his hair. "Says the guy who is absolute shit at it."

"Sorry for having a real life and a partner to spend my time with."

"Forgetting where you came from." Kieren sniffs dramatically so Aaron pinches him.

"You can't beat anyone else is that it?"

"You wound me."

He feels better when they land and he's on his way back home. The sense of Olivier gets stronger as he gets closer but stays vague and fuzzy, so he knows when he lets himself in, he'll find Olivier asleep. He stirs when Aaron sinks down next to him. Olivier throws out an arm over him.

"Next time. You score. Win game," Olivier pulls on his shirt until Aaron moves closer. Aaron presses a kiss to his collarbone, the easiest place to reach. Very carefully he lets down his barriers, knowing that Olivier's won't be very good right now but he feels like he's had them up for so long. Olivier makes a small noise and presses a kiss to the top of his head.

"You gonna make me promise?" It feels good to have Olivier there. Last year he was terrified when Olivier walked over and Aaron's skin crawled. The idea of being tied to someone he didn't know felt like a punishment while he was still working to get his form back, to prove all the faith Wenger had in him was worth it.

"No, bad promise. Sometimes no chances, don't feel guilty." He pushes up Aaron's shirt to press his hand against his skin. "Same with pain, ok? I feel panic it's ok."

Aaron props himself up on an elbow, needing to see his face. He gently trails his fingers over Olivier's cheeks and down to his lips. Olivier is still mostly asleep but kisses the tips of his fingers. "J'taime."

"Awful pronunciation." But he feels the tangled press of emotions from Olivier that means he feels the same.

"You were supposed to teach me," Aaron laughs.

"When I'm better, no sex until you get it right." 

"Yea right. You can't resist."


End file.
